My name is Ann Livingston. I'm a mother, survivor and spokesperson for Dreamcatchers for Abused Children's new Domestic Violence Division ~ An official non-profit 501(c)3 child abuse organization.
~*MY STORY*~
I was abused for many years. There was physical, emotional, & mental abuse. When you are told for many years that you're stupid, a fat cow, you're worthless, you're no good, you will never be anything & no one will want you, you believe it.
I started dating my abuser while I was still in high school. I signed up for the Navy & before I left for boot camp I was convinced to have a baby with him. While I was in the hospital trying not to go into early labor he was out with other females. The physical abuse started shortly after I had our baby & moved in with him. I left him for a bit. But he sweet talked me into coming back. He was sorry for hitting me & for kidnapping our son while his friend kept me locked upstairs. He promised to never do it again. A few months later our son got a lump on his neck & we soon discovered our 11-month old had cancer. While I spent all of my days & nights caring for a dying child at Children’s Hospital, he spent his time seeing other people. Before I found out about his other girlfriends I became pregnant. My beautiful daughter was born just two short weeks before her big brother died at 22-months old. Shortly after he died he became more angry & yelled more but there still wasn't any more physical abuse at this point. He also cheated again. I was told by people it was because he was immature & grieving. I caved in decided I should stay with him.
Despite the abuse & cheating, I still decided to marry him. I was working in a group home & making more money than him. About a week after we married he talked me out of staying at that job. (I had a co-worker that was not a good person & that was the reason I justified this choice by). I become pregnant with our 3rd child & we moved into another place in Detroit, a bad part of town. I was over an hour away from my family. I had moved from my friends too. I had my 3rd child, a daughter & we had to move again. We ended up having to stay at other peoples home. (One was so deep in a gang infested area that I got warned by a gang member because I was shaking rugs outside while wearing a red apron, which if I did that again I'd could be shot.) I was told that if I didn’t give in to my husband’s wishes for sex that I was a bad wife. I did as I was told; I believed that is was my job as his wife. I knew he'd cheat on me again so I did whatever I had to, to keep him mine. I got pregnant again. We ended up moving yet again. He consistently told me I was fat. He made it clear I had too many kids for anyone to ever want to be with me. I ended up having another baby at this point & that’s when he started to get physical again with me. He tell me to go to church & then when I'd get home he'd hit me. I left one time after he did that & also disconnected the phone line from my house. I went home the next day & he said I saw you at so & so's house. I followed you all the way there. He wasn't mad where I went, he just wanted me to know he was the one in control!
My abuser liked to say things to hurt me. He also did things that he would then give lame excuses for. One thing he would do is meet me at church after he got out of work. We had an old police car he would drive & I had the van with the kids in it. After we left church we would be driving on the freeway & he would get up right behind me, so close that if I slowed down even a little tiny bit he would have hit me. I couldn't breathe when he did that, it was anxiety at its highest. He would also shine the spot light of police car on me as I drove & I couldn't see out of my rear view mirror. He would laugh afterward & brag at how close he was to my car & how good of a driver he was because he didn't hit me. There were many times where we would all be in the car together & he would speed & follow other cars to close & cut others off. He would chase others down the freeway & when they'd get off of an exit ramp & stop he'd jump out of his car with the tire iron. One time he ticked someone off so bad they followed us & for some reason he thought it was smart to lead them right into our neighborhood. He stopped a block before our home. The guy got out of his car & my husband, the man who was supposed to protect me & our kids, rolled MY window down & shouted what do you want? He didn't know if this guy had a gun or what. His driving issues went on for many many years. Even after he lost his right to drive he still did. Once in a while he would have me drive & he'd be screaming at me the whole time until I would cry & he would tell me I was being a baby. He would say he didn't drive wrong everyone else did. He never thought the laws applied to him. He was above the laws & the rules. He made sure I understood that. He proved it over & over by his actions.
(I shared this part of my story because a few months ago I read on another DV site about abusers thinking they are above the law, I also read about another woman who’s abuser drove like crazy too. I some people have a lead foot & some do drive not so well & would never ever abuse a person. But the way this was done to me & my kids WAS abuse. He didn't protect us, or keep us safe! In fact he did just the opposite!)
In 2000 we bought our first home. We moved far from my family & my church family. We moved in & he started to go out more after work. I tried to beg him to come home more but the more I begged the more he went out. I decided to join him on one of his nights out & one of his co-workers came up to me & whispered you don’t belong here. He wasn't being mean, he knew I didn't want a life like that. On my 30th birthday, he took my gift back he gave me, hit me over & over, took all my money, the ATM card & the checks & told me to leave. I did. Then he spent the next few weeks buying me things, taking me out to dinner, flowers & cards with wonderfully written words on it. (A huge honeymoon stage) I again thought he would change for the better, for good. I spent the next year hearing what a horrible person I was, how fat I was, how stupid & worthless I was. I knew he was right, I had it in my mind that I was no good.
In 2002 the physical abuse got worse & worse. I remember one time he shoved me into the kitchen wall. I knew it was my fault. He also would lock me out of our bedroom & would tell me I don't deserve to sleep in a bed. I went out one night & when I got home he screamed at me & started to hit me. He then got me on the floor & he started to choke me. I knew I was going to die, I remember my oldest son coming in & seeing this & running back to his room & he tried to climb out his window to go get help. I looked at my husband’s face & begged him to stop. I looked into his eyes, I will never ever forget the dead, cold empty stare that I saw in his eyes. I turned my head sideways & started to pray. Suddenly he stopped & got up & walked out the door. I took my kids & left. We stayed at my parents. He said he wouldn't give me any money for food. He froze the bank account & I bounced a check. He also had someone come to the house to watch me through the window. I went to a shelter. I at this point allowed him to see the kids. I went home to go pick up the kids & he begged me to stay he said he wanted to be a family. I said no. I told the kids to get in the van, he ran out & pulled a wire out. I couldn't start the van. I was so mad. He then stated to beat me right in the front yard. A car stopped & people got out to help. A neighbor called the police. He took off before they got there but they ended up finding him & arrested him. He blamed me for missing work because of being arrested. I went to court to see what they would do. They had him on a TV monitor & I remember the fear I had when I saw him & how bad I shook & how the tears flowed down my face. I also asked the judge to allow the kids & I to stay at the house & not him. I also went & got a PPO.
After I got the PPO & was allowed to stay at my house with the kids, he tried all kinds of things to get back at me. He shut off the power (it was in his name), I got it back on. He shut off the water & put a block on it (meaning he was the ONLY one who could turn it back on). At the courthouse when his lawyer heard about this she walked out on him. He called CPS & made a false report, they came out & found nothing wrong & closed the case. I changed the locks on the door & he climbed through the window & left a love letter on my pillow. I would hear noise outside my house at all hours of the night. I heard his voice & laughter one night, it woke me up, and I screamed he's going to kill me, he's going to kill me. I went to court again & he told the judge I didn't have insurance on the van I was driving (he had it cancelled because he didn't want me to have a car). Before I left the courthouse that day my dad put insurance on it for me. He sent me an email with jokes about killing a mother in law & while I knew there are all kinds of jokes out there about this, I felt sick to my stomach. I asked the lawyer about this & was told this violated the PPO. He was again arrested. I was away from him for 6 months. He used the church to win me back, he had them believe he had changed & that he loved me & the kids. I slowly let him back in my life. He was good again for a bit. He took us on vacations, bought us stuff & promised love. The church people were scammed by him too. I listened to them & to him & took him back. He was so nice, for a very short time. Then he started to spend money on 3 things, poker games, drugs, & comic books. He lost his good paying job. His drug use increased, we lost our house & we had to move into his dads’ house. (Who had died). He again made it clear to me that because I was so stupid no one would ever put up with me or want me.
We moved into my father-in-laws house with our 5 kids (my FIL had passed away). His drug use was out of control. He had no job, he went & worked odd jobs. I got a job & he took all my cash & spent it on comics, drugs & poker games. I tried to hide the money & he would tell me what I owed him. One day he took my money & was gone for hours. He came home crying & shaking & saying he was robbed. I was on the phone with my best friend & after he walked away I said I don’t believe him. He told all the neighbors his sad story of being robbed. A week later he admitted to me he bought drugs with it. The power kept getting shut off. He then did something to the box so we got free power & then one day they came & locked the box so he couldn't do it again. It was cold & we weren't sure what to do. We went & talked to our pastor & his wife. They said we could stay at the church. While we were staying there he still kept on using drugs & I finally went to my pastor & his wife & begged for help. I couldn't stand what he was doing to us as a family. He went into rehab at our pastor’s request. He was also told he could no longer stay at our church because he sold drugs from there. He was told the kids & I would be there but he wasn't allowed until he changed. He stayed a very short time & left rehab. He tried everything he could to get back in our life. He threatened that he was going to kill himself. My friends & I went looking for him & he was okay. He said he had stopped doing drugs, which was a lie. He told the church I was cheating on him, another lie. My pastor & wife protected us & fed us & warned me to stay away. He tried to get to the money that we put in the church account (it was an income tax check), he was mad he couldn't spend it. He got an apartment thru another church & called & told me I was going to lose my kids.
While living at my church, I started to become more aware of how this is not how we should be treated, I wanted my life & the life of my kids to change. He kept trying to make a way back in. I allowed him to see the kids after school at the school playground for about an hour after school got out. He then called one night & said I was going to lose the kids & he would have them. I was crying & my girls heard me & begged to talk to me. I didn't want to at first I was to upset. They asked again. I went inside & they told me the most horrible thing a mom could ever hear. They told me he had molested them growing up. I said are you telling the truth, they said yes, I said don’t say another word yet give me a bit. I called my pastor & said please get to this church right now. His wife & him never even asked why because they knew I knew my pastor was very very sick at that time & that I would have not told them that unless I needed them. I led my girls to his office & we proceed to talk about it together (my girls, my pastor & his wife & I). I couldn't breathe right, I couldn't think, I had no clue what I was going to do. We went to the police, we went to CPS. CPS interviewed him j came back to me & said he doesn't look the type that would do that. On Nov. 7th I took my kids & went north & stayed in a shelter. I ended up getting a little place with the money I had saved. In 2010, after almost a year long court battle he lost his rights. The judge couldn't charge him for what he did because it didn't happen here, the CPS worker from this county tried everything to get him charged. Now I have a wonderful man who loves the kids & I so much & he showed me REAL love doesn't hurt. I have my 5 kids, his son & we have a 3 yr. daughter. Last year my ex's new wife to be told me in a message I need to shut my mouth, my story is causing problems in her life. A few weeks after they got married he started robbing banks & now sits in prison. I will NOT shut my mouth, I will share & try to save others.
All of the abuse we suffered has caused many, many, effects on my children. Besides the mental problems they suffer from from being abused, they also have had to be in a mental hospital a few times. They have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, and other things. The damage that was done to them is unspeakable. I now have my own set of issues too.
I have some beautiful, loving, sweet kids whom at times will help and make sure everyone is OK, but when a trigger happens they need extra care. (And yes we are getting them the help they need). I was able to get us a home in December of '08. I now have a REAL home, I have old friends back, a WONDERFUL man, my kids, our safety, a sweet new baby, & a NEW life filled with love.
~*MY STORY*~
I was abused for many years. There was physical, emotional, & mental abuse. When you are told for many years that you're stupid, a fat cow, you're worthless, you're no good, you will never be anything & no one will want you, you believe it.
I started dating my abuser while I was still in high school. I signed up for the Navy & before I left for boot camp I was convinced to have a baby with him. While I was in the hospital trying not to go into early labor he was out with other females. The physical abuse started shortly after I had our baby & moved in with him. I left him for a bit. But he sweet talked me into coming back. He was sorry for hitting me & for kidnapping our son while his friend kept me locked upstairs. He promised to never do it again. A few months later our son got a lump on his neck & we soon discovered our 11-month old had cancer. While I spent all of my days & nights caring for a dying child at Children’s Hospital, he spent his time seeing other people. Before I found out about his other girlfriends I became pregnant. My beautiful daughter was born just two short weeks before her big brother died at 22-months old. Shortly after he died he became more angry & yelled more but there still wasn't any more physical abuse at this point. He also cheated again. I was told by people it was because he was immature & grieving. I caved in decided I should stay with him.
Despite the abuse & cheating, I still decided to marry him. I was working in a group home & making more money than him. About a week after we married he talked me out of staying at that job. (I had a co-worker that was not a good person & that was the reason I justified this choice by). I become pregnant with our 3rd child & we moved into another place in Detroit, a bad part of town. I was over an hour away from my family. I had moved from my friends too. I had my 3rd child, a daughter & we had to move again. We ended up having to stay at other peoples home. (One was so deep in a gang infested area that I got warned by a gang member because I was shaking rugs outside while wearing a red apron, which if I did that again I'd could be shot.) I was told that if I didn’t give in to my husband’s wishes for sex that I was a bad wife. I did as I was told; I believed that is was my job as his wife. I knew he'd cheat on me again so I did whatever I had to, to keep him mine. I got pregnant again. We ended up moving yet again. He consistently told me I was fat. He made it clear I had too many kids for anyone to ever want to be with me. I ended up having another baby at this point & that’s when he started to get physical again with me. He tell me to go to church & then when I'd get home he'd hit me. I left one time after he did that & also disconnected the phone line from my house. I went home the next day & he said I saw you at so & so's house. I followed you all the way there. He wasn't mad where I went, he just wanted me to know he was the one in control!
My abuser liked to say things to hurt me. He also did things that he would then give lame excuses for. One thing he would do is meet me at church after he got out of work. We had an old police car he would drive & I had the van with the kids in it. After we left church we would be driving on the freeway & he would get up right behind me, so close that if I slowed down even a little tiny bit he would have hit me. I couldn't breathe when he did that, it was anxiety at its highest. He would also shine the spot light of police car on me as I drove & I couldn't see out of my rear view mirror. He would laugh afterward & brag at how close he was to my car & how good of a driver he was because he didn't hit me. There were many times where we would all be in the car together & he would speed & follow other cars to close & cut others off. He would chase others down the freeway & when they'd get off of an exit ramp & stop he'd jump out of his car with the tire iron. One time he ticked someone off so bad they followed us & for some reason he thought it was smart to lead them right into our neighborhood. He stopped a block before our home. The guy got out of his car & my husband, the man who was supposed to protect me & our kids, rolled MY window down & shouted what do you want? He didn't know if this guy had a gun or what. His driving issues went on for many many years. Even after he lost his right to drive he still did. Once in a while he would have me drive & he'd be screaming at me the whole time until I would cry & he would tell me I was being a baby. He would say he didn't drive wrong everyone else did. He never thought the laws applied to him. He was above the laws & the rules. He made sure I understood that. He proved it over & over by his actions.
(I shared this part of my story because a few months ago I read on another DV site about abusers thinking they are above the law, I also read about another woman who’s abuser drove like crazy too. I some people have a lead foot & some do drive not so well & would never ever abuse a person. But the way this was done to me & my kids WAS abuse. He didn't protect us, or keep us safe! In fact he did just the opposite!)
In 2000 we bought our first home. We moved far from my family & my church family. We moved in & he started to go out more after work. I tried to beg him to come home more but the more I begged the more he went out. I decided to join him on one of his nights out & one of his co-workers came up to me & whispered you don’t belong here. He wasn't being mean, he knew I didn't want a life like that. On my 30th birthday, he took my gift back he gave me, hit me over & over, took all my money, the ATM card & the checks & told me to leave. I did. Then he spent the next few weeks buying me things, taking me out to dinner, flowers & cards with wonderfully written words on it. (A huge honeymoon stage) I again thought he would change for the better, for good. I spent the next year hearing what a horrible person I was, how fat I was, how stupid & worthless I was. I knew he was right, I had it in my mind that I was no good.
In 2002 the physical abuse got worse & worse. I remember one time he shoved me into the kitchen wall. I knew it was my fault. He also would lock me out of our bedroom & would tell me I don't deserve to sleep in a bed. I went out one night & when I got home he screamed at me & started to hit me. He then got me on the floor & he started to choke me. I knew I was going to die, I remember my oldest son coming in & seeing this & running back to his room & he tried to climb out his window to go get help. I looked at my husband’s face & begged him to stop. I looked into his eyes, I will never ever forget the dead, cold empty stare that I saw in his eyes. I turned my head sideways & started to pray. Suddenly he stopped & got up & walked out the door. I took my kids & left. We stayed at my parents. He said he wouldn't give me any money for food. He froze the bank account & I bounced a check. He also had someone come to the house to watch me through the window. I went to a shelter. I at this point allowed him to see the kids. I went home to go pick up the kids & he begged me to stay he said he wanted to be a family. I said no. I told the kids to get in the van, he ran out & pulled a wire out. I couldn't start the van. I was so mad. He then stated to beat me right in the front yard. A car stopped & people got out to help. A neighbor called the police. He took off before they got there but they ended up finding him & arrested him. He blamed me for missing work because of being arrested. I went to court to see what they would do. They had him on a TV monitor & I remember the fear I had when I saw him & how bad I shook & how the tears flowed down my face. I also asked the judge to allow the kids & I to stay at the house & not him. I also went & got a PPO.
After I got the PPO & was allowed to stay at my house with the kids, he tried all kinds of things to get back at me. He shut off the power (it was in his name), I got it back on. He shut off the water & put a block on it (meaning he was the ONLY one who could turn it back on). At the courthouse when his lawyer heard about this she walked out on him. He called CPS & made a false report, they came out & found nothing wrong & closed the case. I changed the locks on the door & he climbed through the window & left a love letter on my pillow. I would hear noise outside my house at all hours of the night. I heard his voice & laughter one night, it woke me up, and I screamed he's going to kill me, he's going to kill me. I went to court again & he told the judge I didn't have insurance on the van I was driving (he had it cancelled because he didn't want me to have a car). Before I left the courthouse that day my dad put insurance on it for me. He sent me an email with jokes about killing a mother in law & while I knew there are all kinds of jokes out there about this, I felt sick to my stomach. I asked the lawyer about this & was told this violated the PPO. He was again arrested. I was away from him for 6 months. He used the church to win me back, he had them believe he had changed & that he loved me & the kids. I slowly let him back in my life. He was good again for a bit. He took us on vacations, bought us stuff & promised love. The church people were scammed by him too. I listened to them & to him & took him back. He was so nice, for a very short time. Then he started to spend money on 3 things, poker games, drugs, & comic books. He lost his good paying job. His drug use increased, we lost our house & we had to move into his dads’ house. (Who had died). He again made it clear to me that because I was so stupid no one would ever put up with me or want me.
We moved into my father-in-laws house with our 5 kids (my FIL had passed away). His drug use was out of control. He had no job, he went & worked odd jobs. I got a job & he took all my cash & spent it on comics, drugs & poker games. I tried to hide the money & he would tell me what I owed him. One day he took my money & was gone for hours. He came home crying & shaking & saying he was robbed. I was on the phone with my best friend & after he walked away I said I don’t believe him. He told all the neighbors his sad story of being robbed. A week later he admitted to me he bought drugs with it. The power kept getting shut off. He then did something to the box so we got free power & then one day they came & locked the box so he couldn't do it again. It was cold & we weren't sure what to do. We went & talked to our pastor & his wife. They said we could stay at the church. While we were staying there he still kept on using drugs & I finally went to my pastor & his wife & begged for help. I couldn't stand what he was doing to us as a family. He went into rehab at our pastor’s request. He was also told he could no longer stay at our church because he sold drugs from there. He was told the kids & I would be there but he wasn't allowed until he changed. He stayed a very short time & left rehab. He tried everything he could to get back in our life. He threatened that he was going to kill himself. My friends & I went looking for him & he was okay. He said he had stopped doing drugs, which was a lie. He told the church I was cheating on him, another lie. My pastor & wife protected us & fed us & warned me to stay away. He tried to get to the money that we put in the church account (it was an income tax check), he was mad he couldn't spend it. He got an apartment thru another church & called & told me I was going to lose my kids.
While living at my church, I started to become more aware of how this is not how we should be treated, I wanted my life & the life of my kids to change. He kept trying to make a way back in. I allowed him to see the kids after school at the school playground for about an hour after school got out. He then called one night & said I was going to lose the kids & he would have them. I was crying & my girls heard me & begged to talk to me. I didn't want to at first I was to upset. They asked again. I went inside & they told me the most horrible thing a mom could ever hear. They told me he had molested them growing up. I said are you telling the truth, they said yes, I said don’t say another word yet give me a bit. I called my pastor & said please get to this church right now. His wife & him never even asked why because they knew I knew my pastor was very very sick at that time & that I would have not told them that unless I needed them. I led my girls to his office & we proceed to talk about it together (my girls, my pastor & his wife & I). I couldn't breathe right, I couldn't think, I had no clue what I was going to do. We went to the police, we went to CPS. CPS interviewed him j came back to me & said he doesn't look the type that would do that. On Nov. 7th I took my kids & went north & stayed in a shelter. I ended up getting a little place with the money I had saved. In 2010, after almost a year long court battle he lost his rights. The judge couldn't charge him for what he did because it didn't happen here, the CPS worker from this county tried everything to get him charged. Now I have a wonderful man who loves the kids & I so much & he showed me REAL love doesn't hurt. I have my 5 kids, his son & we have a 3 yr. daughter. Last year my ex's new wife to be told me in a message I need to shut my mouth, my story is causing problems in her life. A few weeks after they got married he started robbing banks & now sits in prison. I will NOT shut my mouth, I will share & try to save others.
All of the abuse we suffered has caused many, many, effects on my children. Besides the mental problems they suffer from from being abused, they also have had to be in a mental hospital a few times. They have flashbacks, nightmares, triggers, and other things. The damage that was done to them is unspeakable. I now have my own set of issues too.
I have some beautiful, loving, sweet kids whom at times will help and make sure everyone is OK, but when a trigger happens they need extra care. (And yes we are getting them the help they need). I was able to get us a home in December of '08. I now have a REAL home, I have old friends back, a WONDERFUL man, my kids, our safety, a sweet new baby, & a NEW life filled with love.